Itachi's Song
by tooka
Summary: The Akatsuki sing a song to Itachi who--believe it or not--is sad. Guess what song it is!


- - This is here do to the insisting of my friend Lucas. He really wanted it posted. I don't own _Naruto_ (and affiliated characters) or _Beauty and the Beast_- -

When the Akatsuki talk with long _italic_ parts, then that's them singing.

It was another day in the Akatsuki—but very much different! Kisame had noticed….. Itachi was _sad_. He let out a big gasp. I mean, he's supposed to be the cold, soulless brother of Sasuke. And anyone without a soul can't be sad, can they?

Kisame: Itachi…. are you… SAD!?? Is it possible you still have a soul…. And are regretting your evil deeds!??

At this point, Itachi gets defensive and punches Kisame, sending him spinning.

Itachi (huffy): of course not, you ass! I miss doing MORE evil deeds!!

Kisame (nearly in tears): I see, sir… sorry sir…

Itachi: assemble all of the Akatsuki!!

Sasuke (no one knows how he got here): what about me!??

Itachi: GET OUT!!

Later… all of the Akatsuki have come forth.

Deidara: look at him!...

Tobi: what should we do?

They all then have a wonderful, spontaneous idea. They could use song to cheer the poor man up.

Kisame: _Itachi, you've got to pull yourself together!_

Itachi: …

Kisame:_ gosh it disturbs me to see you Itachi, looking so down in the dumps!_

Itachi: …?

Kisame:_ every guy here'd love to be you, Itachi, even when taking your lumps!_

Deidara/Tobi/Zetsu/Sasori/Sasuke(??): YEAH!!

Kisame:_ there's no man in town who's admired as you_

Deidara:_ you're everyone's favourite guy!!_

Sasori:_ everyone's awed and inspired by you…_

Kisame:_ and it's not very hard to see whyyyyy…NOOOOO ONNNNNE'S…slick as Gaston! No one's quick as Gaston! No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston!_

Itachi: I thought this was about me… but the name's now been switched…

Tobi:_ but there's no man in town half as manly._

Zetsu:_ perfect—a pure paragon!!_

Sasori:_ you can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley…_

Kisame:_ and they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be onnnn…_

Sasuke: Orochimaru:D

The Akatsuki, not wanting Itachi to steep farther into depression, react to this statement.

Sasuke (wails): NOOOOOO!!!

They all jump on top of poor Sasuke and continue singing.

Kisame/Deidara/Sasori/Zetsu/Tobi:_ NOOOOO ONNNNNE'S…_

Tobi:_ been like Gaston!_

Deidara:_ a king pin like Gaston!_

Kisame:_ no one's gotta swell cleft in his chin like Gaston!!_

Itachi (now boastful):_ as a specimen, yes I'm intimidating!!_

Deidara (thinking this): yes! He's starting to feel better!!

Sasori:_ my, what a guy, that Gaston!_

Tobi:_ give five "hurrahs"!!_

Deidara:_ give twelve "hip-hips"!_

Kisame:_ Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!!_

Itachi: ah hahahahahahaha hahhhh…….yes!!

Sasori/Deidara:_ NOOOO ONNNNNE…_

Kisame (trembling):_ fights like Gaston_

Itachi: ha! sharingan!!!

Sasuke: don't kill our family! (Too late)

Tobi:_ douses lights like Gaston_

Zetsu (whose getting bitten in the arm my Itachi):_ in a wrestling match no body BITES like Gaston!_

Deidara/Kisame:_ for there's no one as burly and brawny!_

Itachi:_ as you see, I've got biceps to spare!!_

Kisame:_ not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny_

Itachi:_ that's right. And every last inch of me's covered in hair!! _(eww)

Deidara:_ no one hit's like Gaston_

Tobi: Tobi heart's Itachi!!!!

Sasori (using his puppet to play a chess match against Itachi):_ matches wits like Gaston_

Kisame:_ in a spitting match no body SPITS like Gaston!!_

Itachi:_ I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptooie!!_

Deidara/Zetsu (holding signs with tens on them):_ ten points for Gaston!!_

Itachi (singing to Sasuke):_ when I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large!_

Sasuke: oh boy! Itachi-nii-san's childhood!!

Itachi:_ and now that I'm grown I eat FIVE dozen eggs, so I'm roughly the size of a baaaaarge!!_

Deidara:_ he's…uh…really getting into this…_

Sasori/Zetsu/Tobi:_ NOOOOO ONNNNE…_

Itachi gives Sasuke an evil, clever smile. Sasuke is quite taken aback and confused, that is… until the next line of the song…

Kisame:_ shoots like Gaston!!_

Sasuke: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Itachi: eh heh heh heh heh heh!…

He throws ninja stars, which luckily _just_ misses our Sasuke.

Deidara (continues with the song):_ makes those beauts like Gaston!_

Tobi:_ then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston!_

Itachi: oh yes…my hunting boots…

Sasuke: gah!! You killed our family wearing those!! (Well, Sasuke's _really_ not having the best time here!...)

Itachi:_ I use antlers in all of my decorating!!_

Zetsu/Tobi:_ my, what a guy…_

Everyone:_ GAAAAAASTOOOOOON!!_

Itachi: well, that was a lovely song…BUT WHAT THE HELL IS MEANING BEHIND ALL THIS "GASTON"!?? EH? EH???

Kisame/Deidara: don't kill us!!...

_- -I've discovered how hard it is to type Kisame's name……I keep almost spelling my own name. It got very annoying- -_


End file.
